For the last year I’ve been doing most of my training in Presidio park which hosts the Lucas Film offices. Specifically I spend lots of time in this tree that has branches low enough to the ground for me explore my movement boundaries safely. This week private security guards started interfering with my training. This is the story so far…

Still in the tree! (photo taken Feb 18 by Myrte Hamburg)

I was doing some stretches on the tree Friday when some security guard passed by “No hanging” he said and kept walking. The interaction was brief and surprising and left me filled with anger because I didn’t have time to react the way I would like to. I continued to train just as I would but ran a simulation of what to say if the guard returns.

I used everything I have been practicing in nonviolent communication. First put on my giraffe ears to try and hear what the person is really needing? You see, without my giraffe ears, all I could think about was crushing this guy’s skull. I do not react well to authority figures trying to take things away from me. Years of religious schooling cause me to be triggered that way.

With my giraffe ears on I could start seeing that this wasn’t about me, this person was not out to specifically harm me. I noticed how when my brain went into lizard mode I couldn’t calculate “theory of mind models” any more. With my giraffe ears I considered if the guard was just looking for respect from his pear/friend because he was walking together with another person.
(Vid from 14th of april 2017)

I went climbing on the tree on Saturday, this time with no altercation, but on Sunday a different guard came up with a similar request “not to climb on the trees”.

This time I was prepared with my giraffe ears and politely asked for clarification. “Those are the park rules.”

“Oh really? Can I see those rules somewhere? Who decides on these rules?” I asked while explaining I’ve been doing this for over a year and telling the guard I don’t want to make his job harder in anyway. “It’s on the park sign, want to come with me and see?”

“Sure” I told the guard and as we walked to the entrance explained my perspective on the danger of people following rules blindly trying to insert some NVC memes when he was apologizing that he “doesn’t have a choice”.

“You always have a choice, and its ok to choose your job, it’s seems like pretty fun job walking around the park, but it is your choice”.

Anyway to make a long story short there were no rules against tree climbing on any sign and the guard went to consult his manager who referred him to a federal regulation regarding “harming natural resources in the park”.

I asked the guard based on what does he think my training is harming the tree and assured him that I would never do anything to harm my beloved tree.

I could feel the guard getting increasingly frustrated so I stated clearly what I wanted.

“I want someone I can negotiate with about what it means to harm natural resources in the park.”

The guard left and the security team manager showed up a few minutes later.

Some legal advice about climbing trees.

The few times I’ve successfully used NVC there has been a very specific turning point in the conversation, a moment in which both sides suddenly make that human connection and see each others needs. With the head of security it happened when I allowed myself to be vulnerable and communicated how this tree was specifically important to my training. At that point I think the he realized I wasn’t being stubborn for no reason or trying to rebel against his authority. He stopped trying to convince me that there were other more specific rules and regulations that he had that were not written down anywhere and stopped threatening to call park police and started a real negotiation. He didn’t want the tree harmed and wanted to be able to tell his bosses he was taking care of the park and I didn’t want the tree harmed and would like him to have an easy time at his job so the negotiation was easy and we agreed that I wouldn’t climb high into the thin branches of the tree that might break. This is something I never did anyway so I just asked him to communicate this to the rest of the guards because I will be back training again.

Despite the success I was pretty drained by the interaction. Being vulnerable to unknown authority figures is not something that comes easy to me. So I did what recharges me most and hung upside down on the tree for a while.